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About

Why Situationships Are Out and Clarity Is In

You've been seeing her for three months and you spend most weekends together. You text each other every day, you've got inside jokes, and know each other's coffee orders. But when your friend asks if she's your girlfriend, you pause. "It's… complicated." No, it's not complicated, it's undefined, and that's a problem.

What A Situationship Looks Like

You're acting like a couple but she won't commit. She gets the boyfriend experience without being your girlfriend, and you end up in an undefined relationship that goes nowhere.
Man sitting alone at a café table with two drinks and an empty chair, showing an undefined relationship.

You're In An Undefined Relationship

You hang out often, you talk a lot, and you lean on each other. 

It feels easy at first because nothing is being asked and their company feels good. 

Then one of you develops real feelings and wants a relationship with clear boyfriend and girlfriend labels. The other wants the casual setup to stay exactly as it is.
Man standing at a half-open doorway with light on one side and shadow on the other, showing emotional uncertainty.

Why It Hurts

You're investing time, energy, and feelings. 

You're aware that she could switch the whole setup off at any point because nothing has been agreed.

You're accepting the bare minimum: enough attention and affection to keep you interested, but no signs that you're an important part of her life.

That uncertainty wears you down. You start to question if there's something wrong with you, or if you're good enough.

Why You Stay Longer Than You Should

You hope that if you're patient and consistent enough, she'll realise you're boyfriend material. 

You stay because walking away feels like you've given up.

Three months becomes six months. You're still in the same undefined mess, just more attached and finding it harder to leave.

Recognising the Signs

Man and woman sitting on a sofa having a serious conversation, with the woman explaining and the man listening quietly.

She Wants to Keep It Casual

Months in and you still can't call her your girlfriend.

When you try, she acts like you said something weird, changes the subject or says "let's not put labels on it".

Try mentioning plans for three months from now and see how she goes vague the moment the future comes up.
Woman shielding a phone call while sitting beside a man, showing she keeps him hidden.

You're Not Part of Her Personal Life

Most of her friends don't know you exist. Her family definitely doesn't. She keeps you separate from her real life, like a side project she's testing out.

If she wanted you as her partner, she'd quickly include you in her world. 

If you're hidden, you're not a priority. You're an option she's enjoying until something better comes along.
Man comparing two floating message icons above his phone, one full of notifications and one empty, to show inconsistent communication.

Inconsistent Communication

Some weeks she texts nonstop, makes plans, and acts like your girlfriend. Other weeks she cancels plans and ignores messages.

You're chasing the version of her that shows up, wondering what you did wrong when she switches off.

She's hot when it's convenient for her, cold when she's got other priorities or options. If she can't give you consistency, she's not serious.
Woman browsing dating apps while sitting next to her partner, showing lack of exclusivity.

She Won't Commit to Exclusivity

She's still on dating apps and mentions other guys casually. When you ask if you're exclusive, she dodges the question.

If she wanted to be exclusive with you, she would be. There's no confusion here.

She's simply enjoying the attention from multiple people.

You're not her priority. You're one of several. And that's not what you signed up for.

What Clarity In  A Relationship Looks Like

Real commitment isn't ambiguous - there is no maybe, probably or perhaps involved.
A woman updating her profile photo to a picture of herself and her boyfriend, clearly showing their defined relationship.

Clear Commitment and Labels

There's a label. You're her boyfriend, she's your girlfriend. There is no confusion.

The right woman won't be scared of labels. She won't avoid defining what you are. She'll want the clarity just as much as you do because she's serious about you.

Labels are a foundation. If she's treating commitment like a burden, she doesn't want what you want.
Couple pointing at dates on a calendar while planning together, showing consistent communication.

Consistent Communication

You make plans beyond next week. Trips, events, holidays — you talk about the future because you're in it together.

This is baseline respect. If someone likes you, they make time for you.
Man being introduced to a woman’s friends at a dinner table, showing he’s included in her life.

Integration Into Each Other's Lives

You've met her friends. You know her family exists and she talks about you to them. You're not a secret.

She's proud to have you in her life, and it shows. 

She brings you around her people. She includes you in her plans. You're not compartmentalized or kept separate.

This is what it looks like when someone is serious. They want you in their world, not hidden from it.
Woman taking a selfie with colleagues while her partner stands excluded beside her.

Watch Actions, Not Words

Words are easy. Consistency is hard. Don't fall for it. Pay attention to what she does, not what she says.

She lets you meet her work colleagues, but not her inner circle, or she's fine with meeting your friends but not your family.

If her actions don't match her words, she's telling you what you want to hear while doing whatever she wants.

How To Get Clarity From the Start - What To Say

Use these scripts to get the clarity you need.
Man checking in with a woman during an early-date conversation at a café.

After a Few Dates

"I'm really enjoying your company. I wanted to check in - what are you looking for right now?"

You're just asking a basic question that saves both of you time if you're not aligned.

Someone who's serious about dating will have a clear answer. Someone who's not will deflect.
A man and woman sitting on a sofa during a quiet conversation. The man looks open and steady, while the woman looks hesitant as she listens.

After a Few Weeks

"I'm not seeing anyone else, and I'd like us to be exclusive. How do you feel about that?"

You're being direct and clarifying.

If she says yes, great. If she hesitates or says she's not ready, you know she's not that into you. Please move on.
A man calmly asks a serious question on a sofa while the woman sits back looking unsure and avoiding eye contact.

After Two to Three Months

"I've enjoyed our time together, but I need to know where we stand. Are we building toward a relationship, or are we keeping this casual?"

This is your final check-in. You've given it enough time. If she can't commit now, she's not going to.
A man standing near the door, putting on his jacket as he prepares to leave, while a woman sits on the sofa behind him looking away.

If She Won't Commit To A Relationship

"I appreciate your honesty, but I'm looking for something more defined. I think it's best we part ways."

This is the hardest one, but it's necessary.

Your time matters. Your peace matters. Don't sacrifice either for someone who won't claim you. You're protecting yourself.
While you’re here, give these a go.

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